I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Man, jail baloney is awful.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
