he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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