Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
