He is an equal opportunity slut.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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