I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
