Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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