Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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