i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
