Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
