i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
