she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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