WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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