It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
