on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
