I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
