Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Randomize
