I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
