I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize