I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
