rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
