is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
