She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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