Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
