This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
