Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
