I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
This house was built for laser tag.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
