ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
