He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We got so high we made milksteak
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
