Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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