Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
