he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
