Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
