It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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