i think my mom watched the whole time
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
