I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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