So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
