Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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