She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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