If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
