We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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