You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
