I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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