She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
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Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
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I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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