So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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