She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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