Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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