At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
