i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
and she was petting her beer can
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
