just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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