that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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