help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
