Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
