Swine flu. Run for my life!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
