Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
