false alarm. still invincible.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
