I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
