Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just cut my nipple shaving
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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