I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Vodka?
Forever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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