when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
