Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
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we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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