i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
