You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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