we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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