Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
