I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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