apparently the secret to your success is patron
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
