he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
And then he peed in my hair
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