He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
