Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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